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| Text: | THIS IS A TRUE STORY AND THE NAMES HAVE NOT BEEN CHANGED TO PROTECT THE ONES WHO ARE GUILTY CALLED CENSOR! WHAT ARE THE CHARGES YOU MAY ASK YOURSELVES WHEN YOU SIT WELL PROTECTED FROM THEESE LITTLE ASSES IN YOUR FAVOURITE CHAIR, BUT THE QUESTION ISN'T WHAT THEY HAVE DONE. THE QUESTION IS WHAT THEY HAVEN'T DONE. WELL I CAN TELL YOU ONE THING THEY HAVEN'T DONE YET AND THAT IS A COMPLETE ALL MEMBERS CENSOR GANG BANG, YET THAT IS.... WAIT..... THE PHONE IS RINGING. COULD IT BE A VIDEO WITH VIOLENCE CALLING OR COULD IT BE OUR DAILY REPORT ABOUT THE CENSOR ACTIVITIES. I'M ANSWERING. 'HELLO!'. I HEAR NOTHING AND THEN IT MUST BE THE CENSOR ACTIVITIES OR IS IT THEIR BRAINCELLS? WHO KNOWS, BUT AS I AM THINKING A LITTLE, I COME TO THE CONCLUSION THAT THEIR BRAINCELLS COULDN'T EVEN MAKE IT TO THE PHONE SO.... WAIT A SECOND! OH JESUS MAN! NO! I AM TOO LATE. THEESE LITTLE BUGS HAS ALREADY PERFORMED THE MASSIVE GANG BANG, INCLUDING ALL MEMBERS OF COURSE... WELL CENSOR. THAT CERTAINLY WAS NO MERCY. NO ONE SPARED. EVEN SLIMY BOB RAN AROUND WITH HIS TWO INCH PEE WEE AND TRIED TO FUCK PSYCHO, BUT UNFORTUNATELY HE DROWNED IN PSYCHOS WELL EXTENSED ASSHOLE. SORRY BOB, BETTER BRING THE ANCHOR NEXT TIME. WELL CENSOR, IF THIS DEMO REACHES YOU I HOPE THAT YOU LIKE IT AS MUCH AS THE REST OF THE WORLD ENJOYS WATCHING YOUR CHEAT DEMOS MADE OF A BUNCH OF GUYS WHO HAS CHOCKED THE WORLD WITH THE FACT THAT NOWADAYS EVEN GUYS WITH NEGATIVE IQ CAN MAKE DEMOS. THAT IS DEFINITELY WORTH A FUCKFINGER BUT A FINGER IS THE ONLY THING THAT YOU ARE GETTING FROM US. PARDON ME? WHO WE ARE? LET'S JUST SAY THAT WE BELONG TO A WORLDWIDE GROUP AND OUR MAIN INTEREST IS TO DESTROY YOU, SINCE THERE IS NOTHING MORE IMPORTANT GOING ON AT THE MOMENT, BUT WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO TOMORROW? ONE DAY IS THE MAXIMUM TIME IT TAKES TO DESTROY YOU AND SINCE THAT IS EXATCTLY TWENTYTHREE HOURS AND FIFTYNINE MINUTES AND FIFTYNINE SECONDS TOO MUCH, WE ARE OUT OF WORK. SMALL GROUPS LIKE YOU MAKE US UNEMPLOYED, ASSHOLES! OF COURSE WE COULD ADD ONE HOUR OF CODING AND TWENTY MINUTES OF LINKING AND CRUNCHING, BUT THAT STILL ISN'T ENOUGH. OK BOOBIES! HERE IS ROVER..... YOOO MATES! THIS IS 'ROVER' FROM 'THE LAMER KILLIN' GENERATION'. THE SUBJECT IN THIS CASE IS THE HORRORS OF CENSLESS DAJMS. MEMBERS OF THIS GANG HAVE NEVER BEEN KNOWN FOR ANYTHING POSITIVE SO LET'S TAKE A LOOK. '''FATMAN THE PSYCOPAT! ''' THE MAIN FREEZER IN THIS GANG. A TRUELY SKILLED GUY WHO MANAGES TO FAIL IN IMPLEMENTING THEIR INTRO ON THE ORIGINAL. THIS SKILL HASN'T BEEN ENOUGH APPRECIATED, BUT HE MUST BE ONE OF THE FEW WITH THIS GIFT FROM THE STARS!! HE IS NOW LUCKILY KEEP FROM THE CITIZENS BY THE SWEDISH MILITART FORCE. THE AMERICANS WOULD BUY A FROCEN VERSION OF KOALA PAINTER IF IT WAS CALLED 'LAST NINJA III' SO PSYCO IS VERY MUCH LIKED IN THE STATES WHERE THEY NEVER BOTHERED TO UNPACK THE LYNXED FILES. CRABFISH! THIS IS THE OWNER OF THE SIXTYFOUR BBS 'ERECTION' WHICH RUNS ON EVERYTHING BETWEEN ONEHUNDREDANDFIFTY AND ONEHUNDREDANDSIXTYFIVE BAUD. HOLD ON, IT'S DECRUNCHING! ''' BOBBY BEARING! ''' THIS BAD EXCUSE FOR A CODER IS THE LEADER OF THE PACT. THE ROUTINE HE MADE IN EARLY EIGTHEENSEVENTYFOUR IS STILL THE ONE HE PROUDLY PRESENTS IN NEW FORMATS LIKE WHEN HE ONCE CHANGED THE SPRITES, THE SINWAVE AND EVEN COULOUR FROM TIME TO TIME. WE ARE DEEEEPLY IMPRESSED!!! ''' KAVRING! ''' THIS KID DIDN'T REACH THE LAST PARTY IS WAS ON DUE TO A FLAT TYRE OF HIS TRICYCLE. TOO BAD!! ''' GURKAN! ''' STILL ALIVE, OLD PUKER?? ''' CONDOMEX ''' DO THE WORLD A FAVOUR, GET ONE OVER YER HEAD!! I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING SPECIAL TO SAY ABOUT 'CURT', 'EUZZZZZZZZ', 'PUFF THE MAGIC DRAGON', 'SLAY'IM' AND THE OTHER FORTYFIVE MEMBERS, BESIDES THIS YOUR 'FATAL NEWS' STINKS AND SO DOES YOUR 'CRACKERS' ,PLURALIS HERE IS JUST TOO MUCH!, TAKE THIS FRIENDLY HINT. LAY DOWN AND DIE!!! HERE WE HAVE TEX PUKING ABOUT TAITO! I WONDER IF TAITO MEANS ANYTHING APART FROM PUKE? MAYBE IT MEANS THAT HIS MOTHER WAS TOO TIGHT BETWEEN HER THIGHS TO LET HIM OUT WITHOUT DAMAGING HIS BRAIN? HAVE YOU HEARED ABOUT HIS DRIVE THAT DIDN'T WORK? NO WONDER! HERE IS WHY. DISK DEMON HAD BEEN INSTALLED IN THE DRIVE. FOR SOME REASON HE WANTED TO REMOVE IT AND SO HE HAD TO REINSTALL THE HIGH MEM PROM. SINCE TAITO IS TOTALLY STUPID HE MUST HAVE THOUGHT THAT JUST ANY BLACK CHIP WITH TWENTYFOUR PINS WOULD DO THE JOB. OF COURSE IT DIDN'T AND SO HE CAME CRYING FOR MY HELP. HEY BRAINLESS HOW COME YOU DIDN'T TRY THREE OF THOSE FIVE FIVE FIVE CHIPS? THAT MAKES TWENTYFOUR PINS AS WELL. SINCE THE PROM ALMOST NEVER GOES BAD I STARTED LOOKING FOR THE FAULT WHERE IT USUALLY IS. THUS IT TOOK ME A WHILE TO FIND THE FAULT. IN THE PLACE OF THE HIGH MEM PROM TAITO HAD PLACED A SIXTYFOUR KERNAL. IS THAT LAME OR IS THAT LAME? HEY BRAINLESS, THE COMPUTER IS THE BOX WITH A KEYBOARD. THE OTHER ONE IS THE DRIVE! WELL, THAT WAS NOT ALL. SOMEONE, GUESS WHO, HAD PLAYED AROUND WITH A SOLDERING IRON ON THE BACKSIDE OF THE FRONT PIECE OF THE DRIVE, YOU KNOW, THE PIECE OF CAST BROWN PLASTIC WHERE THE DISK GOES. IT WAS IMPOSSIBLE TO INSERT A DISK! I CLEANED THE DAMAGES AND USING EPOXY I BUILT UP THE DAMAGED AREAS TO IT'S ORIGINAL SHAPE. THEN WHEN I REASEMBLED THE DRIVE IT WORKED LIKE CLOCKWORK. SINCE TAITO LEFT TRIAD WHILE I WAS WORKING ON HIS DRIVE I CONSIDERED IT REASONABLE TO CHARGE A SYMBOLIC SUM FOR ALL THE WORK. TEN POUNDS OR TWENTYFIVE DM FOR SEVERAL HOURS OF WORK. THAT BAG OF SHIT CALLED TAITO REFUSED TO PAY ME. WHAT DO YOU THINK HE TOLD ME WHEN HE GOT THE DRIVE? HE JUST SAID THAT HE WAS OUT OF MONEY. NOT ONLY IS HE BRAIN DAMAGED, HE IS ALSO A THIEF AND A FUCKING COWARD THAT THINKS THAT IT'S ALLRIGHT TO STEAL FROM HIS FRIENDS. EX FRIENDS THAT IS. IT IS ALLRIGHT BY ME IF YOU KICK HIM IN THE ARSE WHEN EVER YOU SEE HIM. IF YOU GO FOR HIS HEAD HE WOUN'T NOTICE..... OK RUSSEL! YOU'RE NEXT. UHH? WHAT? ME? OK THEN... THIS IS RUSSEL. I JUST WANT TO SAY THAT I WANT TO SHIT ALL OVER CENSOR'S SO CALLED BBS. THEY ARE SO SLOW AND BORING THAT I WOULD THINK TWICE BEFORE CALLING THERE AGAIN! I HAVE ALSO HEARD THAT OLD FUZZBRAIN, OR SHOULD WE SAY PSYCHO, IS IN DEEP SHIT SINCE THE SWEDISH MARINE HAS DISCOVERED THAT IT WASN'T A SUBMARINE THAT WAS IN STOCKHOLM A COUPLE OF WEEKS AGO. IT WAS PSYCHO! HOW CAN THAT BE, I HEAR YOU ALL CRY. THAT ISN'T SO HARD TO FIGURE OUT WHEN YOU HAVE SEEN THAT ENORMOUS VOLUME OF TRASH THAT MAN CAN FILL HIS FAT AND UGLY BODY WITH. THE TRUTH IS THAT BEFORE HE WENT FOR A SWIM, HE ACCIDENTLY SWALLOWED A CAR, AND THAT IS WHAT DROVE THE NAVY CRAZY. I HAVE ALSO HEARD THAT BOB GOT RAPED BY A BABOON WHEN HE WAS AT THE ZOO. NOW I KNOW THAT IT WASN'T JUST ME WHO THOUGHT THAT HE LOOKS LIKE A MONKEY! TOUGH LUCK GUYS. HOPE YOU HAVE SOME NICE AND TENDER MOMENTS AT YOUR INTERNAL MEETINGS. DON'T FORGET THE VASELINE NEXT TIME, SLAYER! YOU ALMOST DESTROYED THE ENTIRE PARTY. ENOUGH CRAP FROM US. IF YOU WANT TO CONTACT US YOU CAN ALWAYS LOOK OVER YOUR RIGHT SHOULDER. WE WILL BE THERE..... ALWAYS! |
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