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Intensity
Account closed
Registered: May 2002
Posts: 337 |
Schizophrenia
Hi People!
Herewith I want to say sorry for my strange post about a hunger-strike some time ago, also for my weird behaviour towards the dutch group Xenon where I was in as musician.
Sander/Focus, Gerard Hultink: Please excuse my messages in which I declared Xenon as a dangerous group and that you should be aware of it's members.
The reason for this behaviour is that I fell ill. They call my illness "Schizophrenia", also "Psychosis", a disease which initiated a lot of paranoid thoughts in me. I also started to hear voices from my circle of acquaintances and to see hallicunations, like faces at the wall etc. Those voices and hallucinations ordered me to stay up the nights for about 4 months and to care about scene matters, among other things.
I have passed some months in hospital and I take several medicaments for about one year now. Things are going well, also have a job now.
I don't want you to have a pity on me, but I want the sceners especially those I bothered to excuse me.
Read more about my schizophrenia in Vandalism News #40 which was released recently.
http://c64.rulez.org/onslaught/vandalism40.zip
Yours,
Arman Behdad
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Wanderer
Account closed
Registered: Apr 2003
Posts: 478 |
*hands out copious amounts of Paxil and Xanax to the room*
:) |
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Slartibartfast
Account closed
Registered: Jul 2002
Posts: 230 |
Quote: *hands out copious amounts of Paxil and Xanax to the room*
:)
That's not funny. |
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Laxity
Registered: Aug 2005
Posts: 459 |
Quote: I think everybody is weird,one way or the other.
But ´normal´ people are by far the strangest I´ve met.
I find it hard to connect, when it´s all about TV,kids,cars and football. ;)
I know EXACTLY how you feel..
In fact I find the term "normal" annoying, too abstract and too narrow.. "Normal" is just an avarage of "everything"... It's like downsampling a 44Khz song to 8Khz.. It's the same music, but it sounds like crap.
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Moloch
Registered: Jan 2002
Posts: 2925 |
Quote: i'm the only normal person, everyone else is insane.
Copyright (C) Moloch!!1!
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Krill
Registered: Apr 2002
Posts: 2970 |
Quote: Intensity: Great, that would be interesting for me to read!
As about normality, my brother started to beleive that everyone around his place has gone nuts and now he feels more "normal" than the average ;)
An important reason that breeds depression is the fact that we are unable to reach what is called happiness, which is actually a very subjective idea, made up into our brains as we've grown up. At least that's my theory..
I once read that happiness is determined by the difference of what you expect to what you actually achieve. A simple example for that are poor people who more or less get accidentally rich are most probably much happier than somebody who is a kid of rich parents, getting richer and richer throughout his life, but always being envious of even richer people.
So never expect too much! :D |
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TDJ
Registered: Dec 2001
Posts: 1879 |
Quote: I once read that happiness is determined by the difference of what you expect to what you actually achieve. A simple example for that are poor people who more or less get accidentally rich are most probably much happier than somebody who is a kid of rich parents, getting richer and richer throughout his life, but always being envious of even richer people.
So never expect too much! :D
So basically what you're saying is that you'll be much happier if you win a demo compo with the group you founded yourself, than join an already-famous group and win with them? ;-) |
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Optimus
Registered: Jan 2002
Posts: 122 |
Mmm,. I guess I have to agree with both :)
It's nice and relaxing doing small stuff but much more greater if it was ever possible to achieve something extremely hard. At least, when I put a very big scene project anymore, I have said to myself to be aware of my vainglory behind that and just not take my decision much seriously, perhaps I can even accept to abandon my big project later and use my finished code for smaller projects ;). I am open for both options I guess. (the perfectionist but lazy guy ;P)
Also, about normal/average: http://www.rawilson.com/csicon.shtml which is a funny parody of CSICOP and has a nice analysis of why "normal" doesn't make any sense :) |
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Krill
Registered: Apr 2002
Posts: 2970 |
Quote: So basically what you're saying is that you'll be much happier if you win a demo compo with the group you founded yourself, than join an already-famous group and win with them? ;-)
Exactly. :D |
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Oswald
Registered: Apr 2002
Posts: 5086 |
happyness is when you constantly hit your fingers with a hammer and then suddenly miss it. |
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Intensity
Account closed
Registered: May 2002
Posts: 337 |
I have to say that my joining of Onslaught and Cosine and my nickchange from Arman into Intensity was because I heared voices and saw signs that wanted me to do so. I don't know if it was made out of intuition or inspiration, i.e. some higher existence that wanted me to do so, or if it was caused just by my schizophrenia and the illness itself. Personally I think it was the first one, as I think there is a will of some higher existence that I am in Cosine and that TMR/Cosine has suggested me to change my nick into Intensity. But I don't know why yet. Maybe the start of a good scene-career? I dunno :D. I have seen fucking lot of those signs yet, reaching from voices and angels telling me which girlfriends I will get in the future, up to sentences and phrases I see when I close my eyes telling me which job-related career waits for me in the future. In general I part voices and hallicunations into two categories: Those that have their roots from the devil, and those who have their roots from god. I am a believing person, and thus I can benefit from things I see if I follow the signs from god, and ignore the signs from the devil.
I am writing on an autobiography these days including all my visions and things I have seen since I was 17 when those visions started. Maybe I will release an english version anywhere.
I don't see my illness as a plain schizophrenia, I see it as an adventure.
About the Dreams Chapter in Vandalism News: It is of course somehow scene-related, so no offtopic stuff. And I hope you will like it. I would like to write about my dreams in this magazine regulary if you want. But would you like to read about non-scene-related dreams in a c64-magazine at all? Would be nice to get some feedback from you.
Arman |
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