| | The Phantom
Registered: Jan 2004
Posts: 360 |
Release id #136731 : Dork!
Thought on it for a while... I haven't lost respect for your art.
We all deal with things JSL. My outlet is coding, and lately, drawing/pixels. It helps me with the daily stresses. I don't talk about my condition in my works, it's not fair to those who view it, or admire it even.
It's my opinion that there are people in the world that suffer far greater than any one of us. We'd like to help, but we can only do so much. Your disease/illness is CURABLE. Stop with your pity, move on, CHANGE. Nobody can do that but YOU.
When I release something, honestly, I don't look at those ratings. I mostly look at how many times it was downloaded and any comments, but ratings? Never. I don't release stuff for ratings and I can't imagine a time when I ever cared. I just liked my craft, which always changes and improves.
I've learned to take negative comments and turn them positive. That is a lifelong venture and a constant challenge. Why? I'm also bi-polar, and have an explosive personality disorder. I used to get very upset at everyone, all the time. This is beyond understanding. It can be controlled with medicine, so long as I like walking and living the life of a zombie, literally. I don't.
I have allergies too. I swell when I eat MSG. If that wasn't enough, various/random parts of my body swell (except where it would count;) ).
I have plant allergies, spring is killer. Like flu season for me.
Man...
So I avoid the MSG, but sometimes, meh. I'll tolerate swelling up for some chinese food.
I continue my life, even with these things. I love, FUCKING LOVE fishing. We walk a mile, through the woods, my allergies exploding. I march on.
I wear a long sleeved shirt in July these years. Just to avoid the sun. Sometimes, I wear shorts and high socks, but again, sometimes I just say to hell with it. Mistake? Yep (cancer growing in a few places, have to get it cut off) That's all they do really, is cut it off and sew the skin back. Again, meh.
I have a couple cysts growing too. One on my left wrist. All it is is a back up of fluid. They drain it, it grows back. One on my foot too (luckily the top of it). They don't hurt, just awkward.
What I've learned from this?
Life's too fucking short man. I'm only 46. I'll be lucky to see 55. I cared for a little while. Almost let it ruin me, but (one more time), Meh.
Life is too short, period. Can't make it not matter.
I'm not leaving this Earth until I leave my mark. Until the world knows and respects me. My digital creations will live longer and that can boggle the mind if you let it, hehe. I've often wondered too, if I have left my mark.
I'd like to think I have. In both my worlds. The one I live, and this one, my Computer world.
You have gained a lot of respect with your artwork, you've made a mark. It will live longer.
To hell with rankings man.
I don't compare my code to anybodies code. It's foolish.
My art? Compared to? I like to think my style is my own.
Point is, doesn't matter.
I won't pity you. There are others in worse condition.
We've learned to deal with it and live our lives again, you will too.
Don't make your pixels suffer, it's not fair to your fans.
Life's too short indeed. |
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| | JSL
Registered: Aug 2003
Posts: 56 |
Matt: I don't get it? I have troubles in my life, and the only thing that I love is pixeling which is only thing left I live for, if I don't get it, what is wrong, get a Life JSL and take care of the health and stop pixeling? What can I do on half dead feet, broken knees, and a hurting leg, are you saying the same as the doctor with her wrong advise, even the diabetic nurse saying this, keep walking for more pain, and in the end heaps of money for new knees, ever tried walking on feet without a feeling while walking.. Or must I seek a psychiatrist, last December I spoke to him getting more a life, and seeing it all positive, with more enjoyment, no lies, what now.. Ask him for more medication and a lockup of being mentally ill since 1996 and I am nuts? If there is something else you want to say, like you want to scream STOP PIXELING you are a RETARD, then fuck you too. ;) |
| | JSL
Registered: Aug 2003
Posts: 56 |
Matt: Ok.. My mental health.. I am stabile for a long while, you don't know me at all, you can call my Psychiatrist in Netherlands and ask their oppinion, I get each two weeks a talk from the FACT, some mental organisation here, even MetGGZ does talk to me about heaps of things each week. Normal conversations. When I write about my problems, in for example Dork, then it got drama and I react, I never spoke about my problems, only the Diabetes2 in some Demo. There heaps other things I don't mention here, unlikely the whining of Panthom. Get a grip on my life, if you mean the Mental Illness, what I must suppose say to the FACT organisation, the Scene says I am ill, need an immediate lockup.. If you would advice, take care of the Diabetes, the Sugar is under control, glucosis under the 10, take strict the meds, and like said before, I dislike walking on these feet. When I did intensive walking with MetGGZ, myself to town, and visiting artlessons on foot, do some walk at my parents town, being on a diet, and you get a nurse telling, the Sugar is badly, the cholestrol is badly, the bloodpressure is badly, you don't have condition.. I thought at that point, damn, I go for my Health, and all was for nothing. Since then I stopped. The feet troubled, the knees, etc. and while I did a walk each day of one hour or more, lateron they said you must act, do three hours walking a day, and bike around the town ... it is I lost motivation, because I gave everything before, for nothing. About sleeping pattern, what is wrong with posting in the middle of the night, any law of your against that, I suffer sleepless nights, I tried sleepmedication but, even more tablets, which was out of the question, an overdose, didn't got me into sleep. And even when it did worked then when awake you're sleepy, tired, eyes closing, and wasn't nice. And still, you want me to say, deal with my Health, and reserve a place on the mental institute. People see me as an cheerfull honest person and telling them lies of being ill, psychotic, hallucations, which I never had etc.etc. is wrong. And ever been locked up Matt? they drug you down, with nasty side effects, in a seperate room, tied to a bed, and try meds after meds, and when you choke and your tongue goes inside, ooops try another one, getting spasm effects with your neck and arms, ooops try another one, getting in a coma sort of and you walk like a zombie and can't move, ooops try another one, and the endless drugging keeps going, and you do everything possible to commit suicide, to stop the madness... Or maybe you want me locked away, because I spam the database, with retard graphics, because here is no place for mental people..... |
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