[CSDb] - User Forums - Open letter to ALL!

You are not logged in - nap

CSDb User Forums

Forums > CSDb Discussions > Open letter to ALL!

2007-04-09 16:21

Bamu®
Account closed

Registered: May 2005
Posts: 1332

Open letter to ALL!

Hi!

I leave the csdb/forum & Co. I sometimes/often really behaved like a stupid or whatever...
And to be honest: Yes, somehow I'm stupid. Don't know why, can't help - that's how I'm. :(

It seems that I really have some mental problems. (Thanks to people for pointing this out)
I don't know what's wrong with me in last time. I really don't know!

I do things witch I shouldn't do..

It get's harder & harder from day to day to make music or something serious. My brain get's emptier & emptier.
I know, do have to change something, but this isn't easy...

... guess, I finally should grow up & consult a doctor.

First I thought that I could make a restart with my new handle bamu (babbling musician), but I was unable to take me under control - sorry. I have to say that I really hate all my handles.

I really don't want to post/do *shit* or similar, but the truth is I'm unable to recognize what is shit or not. Really, I don't know the correct scene-behaviour.

I never wanted to harm people, but I guess it happened sometimes.

Often I was right, and often I was wrong, but too much happened here and in the scene.
I'm really fed up with everything (not only scene) and the first thing I'll do is to stop all my activities & start a real life.
I really whish if it was possible to erase my scene history from my brain - it really makes me sick.
I do not want a second chance, it's to late for me.

But:

I want to apologize for EVERYTHING I have done/or said.

Please, forgive me! Please!

My request now:

Please remove (or hide) the most crap postings from me. This would make me a happy. I really want that csdb gets a clean database/forum.

sincerely,

/st

... 27 posts hidden. Click here to view all posts....

2007-04-09 20:42

Burglar

Registered: Dec 2004
Posts: 1089

this is the first post I read of you that makes sense. finally. I hope you get your stuff sorted, and when you do... the c64 scene is not so aggressive as you might think now.

2007-04-10 05:35

Yodelking

Registered: Apr 2002
Posts: 189

In my eyes you are welcome back anytime, hopefully you feel a lot better when you do.
And like the others say I hope you grow up a bit, but I also hope that all those who complained no matter what you do also grow up.

2007-04-10 06:12

Laxity

Registered: Aug 2005
Posts: 459

Get well, and no hard feelings dude. Eventhough it's been rough at time, I think you've contributed with some good stuff and good ideas too, so don't feel all bad about it. Cheers!

2007-04-10 07:21

icon

Registered: Apr 2002
Posts: 90

Yeah! Hope thing will turn out just fine. But dont stop make music, atleast do some for yourself if you dont wants to "hang out" your work and then you release a big musicdisk on your return.
Good luck and be well...
-Icon/REM

2007-04-10 07:50

Bamu®
Account closed

Registered: May 2005
Posts: 1332

Quote: Really BRAVE of you Nata! Reminds me of my own post in Schizophrenia

At least I forgive you m8. Get well soon!

You are not the only one with such a problem!

Yours,

Arman

@Intensity

Thanks for the info. I will read it carefully.

@All
Thanks!!!

----------

I think my problems are really serious. Beside this mental 'thing' there several others (physical probl.) too, which I should have worried about in the last two years.
It's not that a c64-forum would be the right place for any statemets from the real life, but c64-scene/computer/internet 'activities' allowed me to completely ignore & hide the 'things'.

I really don't understand what is going on in my head, but there is something wrong. Useless to mention all the depressions..
Not that they would be in a 'dangerous phase' at the moment, but the temptation is sometimes there to consider about a certain action.

Or maybe I do underestimate the whole situation. Maybe is more serious than I think?!?! I'm helpless.

I do not want to start whining, as I think it is too late for me.
Many things can't be changed anymore. (in real life/scene)
I don't even know why this all happens.

I guess it's just a very slow self-destruction.

I wanted attention, but it ended in a dissaster. (as many times before)
Maybe 'attention' is this the reason why I started babbling & making hoaxes.

I don't expect that people understand me. I can't understand myself.
I can't expect from people to like me, if I don't like me.

I do not want to open my heart too much for the people out there as it could be undestood as whining.
But let me say that is really hard for me to talk about it.

I know that I had my clashes here in these forum with nearly everybody, even with respected scene-celebrities.
I never wanted this but it happened anyway. Unfortunately in the course of the time all went out of control.

I'm everything but not proud of my behaviour/actions.

I tried to be a 'good' composer, but I failed piteously. I wanted to compete with the elite composers, but I simply was unable.
I'm *nothing* towards Jeff, Laxity, Drax, GRG, & friends.

Instead I managed to upset the whole scene against me.

Then all these erratic mood swings, "Gimme, Gimme, Gimme" and the "Hello?" - behaviour.

I don't mean that I magically know it now better, but I'm just at a point where I have to start to do & change something. (At least I try)
I don't know if I'm able to do it, nor I do know how everything will end.

regards,

/st

2007-04-10 08:08

ready.

Registered: Feb 2003
Posts: 441

Hi Nata!!
besides your mental and physical problems...I enjoyed your music, as I think I have already told you, honestly, I like your music. Don't make a disaster of everything, even of things that are not.

Cheers
Ready.

2007-04-10 08:15

Scout

Registered: Dec 2002
Posts: 1570

At first I was a bit skeptic about your intentions regarding the original post.
Reading the above convinced me you are sincere about this.

All I can say is, get well soon!
Keep in mind that every attack from us was towards your attitude here on the forum and not about your musical skills.

Quote:

I tried to be a 'good' composer, but I failed piteously.

You are a good composer with sid-programming skills and potential, so in my eyes you did not fail.

Again, get well soon and I hope to hear from you again in the near future.
Apologies accepted.

R.

2007-04-10 10:22

Conrad

Registered: Nov 2006
Posts: 847

Hello Nata.

It seems that this long-term situation on CSDB has turned out to be horrible result for all of us, which should of never happened in the first place.

Please don't hate yourself for overall being a bad scener, as that isn't true at all. If you want the truth, I find you music very good indeed, in fact they calm me down in some situations. Sorry if this sounds harsh, but posting some unhelpful information can waste some quality time in doing other interesting things, such as composing music or coding a demo for example.

Please do not leave the whole scene as we would like to hear more music from you, but as for this mental problem situation, my best advice would be to give yourself a good rest for a while, until you have fully calmed down and are ready to have some nice discussions again about the c64.

As you confirm about this mental illness(?) you have, I understand how it feels. I myself have a mental disability (which I will not discuss for privacy reasons) and I try my very best to maintain it if anyone takes the piss out of me. Maybe having better control of this will improve a lot of things in the future, for everyone's benefit.

As many other said, hope you get well soon. I'm deeply sorry if I upset you in any threads in the past. In reality I am a very nice friendly person, and when a situation like this happens, I usually regret my horrible response and wished I could of changed it. In general I only try to calm things down, but 9/10 that doesn't work for me.

Be well, be cool.

Bye for now.

Owen.

EDIT:
As for this request of having attention. Attention is my opinion is pointless. Just because you have only been part of the scene for up to 4 years, does not mean that EVERYONE needs to know who you are and what you do. It is in fact much better to have less attention as you can concentrate on your work without being asked too many questions by fans of your work. I've only been part of the scene for 2 months but I am not requesting any attention. I would just like to do my work on new productions and release them when I want to, without the wait for people to recognize and vote my work. I think you understand what I mean anyway.

2007-04-10 11:22

Laxity

Registered: Aug 2005
Posts: 459

Quote:

I tried to be a 'good' composer, but I failed piteously.

To my best knowledge, that statement evaluates to FALSE, Nata.. Simply not true.. 'Good' is a subjective term, so some might find your music 'not good' (screw them), but judging from the overal response to it (from what I've seen) I'd say, you didn't fail by a long shot.

I sent you a PM, hope I'm not on ignore :) ..

2007-04-10 13:12

Steppe

Registered: Jan 2002
Posts: 1510

All forgiven, nothing forgotten, apologies accepted. Wish you all the best, Stephan!
(Edit: Some posts by people in here remind me of the saying "Don't beat a dead horse...")

Previous - 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 - Next

Refresh

Subscribe to this thread:

You need to be logged in to post in the forum.

Search the forum:
Search for in
All times are CET.

Search CSDb

Advanced

Users Online

Didi/Laxity
Mason/Unicess
skull
hedning/G★P
Guests online: 87

Top Demos

1 Next Level  (9.7)
2 13:37  (9.7)
3 Coma Light 13  (9.7)
4 Edge of Disgrace  (9.6)
5 Mojo  (9.6)
6 The Demo Coder  (9.6)
7 What Is The Matrix 2  (9.6)
8 Uncensored  (9.6)
9 Comaland 100%  (9.6)
10 Wonderland XIV  (9.6)

Top onefile Demos

1 Layers  (9.6)
2 Party Elk 2  (9.6)
3 Cubic Dream  (9.6)
4 Copper Booze  (9.6)
5 Libertongo  (9.5)
6 Rainbow Connection  (9.5)
7 Onscreen 5k  (9.5)
8 Morph  (9.5)
9 Dawnfall V1.1  (9.5)
10 It's More Fun to Com..  (9.5)

Top Groups

1 Performers  (9.3)
2 Booze Design  (9.3)
3 Oxyron  (9.3)
4 Nostalgia  (9.3)
5 Triad  (9.2)

Top Webmasters

1 Slaygon  (9.6)
2 Perff  (9.6)
3 Morpheus  (9.5)
4 Sabbi  (9.5)
5 CreaMD  (9.1)

Page generated in: 0.054 sec.