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Bamu®
Account closed
Registered: May 2005
Posts: 1332 |
Open letter to ALL!
Hi!
I leave the csdb/forum & Co. I sometimes/often really behaved like a stupid or whatever...
And to be honest: Yes, somehow I'm stupid. Don't know why, can't help - that's how I'm. :(
It seems that I really have some mental problems. (Thanks to people for pointing this out)
I don't know what's wrong with me in last time. I really don't know!
I do things witch I shouldn't do..
It get's harder & harder from day to day to make music or something serious. My brain get's emptier & emptier.
I know, do have to change something, but this isn't easy...
... guess, I finally should grow up & consult a doctor.
First I thought that I could make a restart with my new handle bamu (babbling musician), but I was unable to take me under control - sorry. I have to say that I really hate all my handles.
I really don't want to post/do *shit* or similar, but the truth is I'm unable to recognize what is shit or not. Really, I don't know the correct scene-behaviour.
I never wanted to harm people, but I guess it happened sometimes.
Often I was right, and often I was wrong, but too much happened here and in the scene.
I'm really fed up with everything (not only scene) and the first thing I'll do is to stop all my activities & start a real life.
I really whish if it was possible to erase my scene history from my brain - it really makes me sick.
I do not want a second chance, it's to late for me.
But:
I want to apologize for EVERYTHING I have done/or said.
Please, forgive me! Please!
My request now:
Please remove (or hide) the most crap postings from me. This would make me a happy. I really want that csdb gets a clean database/forum.
sincerely,
/st |
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Trazan
Registered: Apr 2002
Posts: 620 |
Snif - this was the best thing I read since I last did check my taxreturns and balance on the stock market.
Bye Bye! |
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Intensity
Account closed
Registered: May 2002
Posts: 337 |
Really BRAVE of you Nata! Reminds me of my own post in Schizophrenia
At least I forgive you m8. Get well soon!
You are not the only one with such a problem!
Yours,
Arman |
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Platoon
Account closed
Registered: Mar 2004
Posts: 40 |
well never had any beef with you bamu & i think people here should give you a second chance...
especially if you mean it serious what you wrote above! |
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Jon
Account closed
Registered: Apr 2005
Posts: 247 |
Well, if you decide to start a "real life" and leave the "scene" as it is, I hope you take a more positive approach to it than you have here.
In it's simplest form, you were chased away by mere text on a screen. That's a pity, and I have seen it before here and on other forums.
Remember: don't let yourself get chased away from things you like or enjoy. Don't be afraid of negative opinions, whether it is your "art" or your behavior. And most of all, if someone or someones decide to single you out as a punching bag, make sure they remember the experience... as a negative.
Good luck in whatever you decide to do. I never saw you as mentally ill or whatever, just as a guy who liked to get excitable every now and again.
Bon Voyage.
-Ninj |
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Rough
Account closed
Registered: Feb 2002
Posts: 1829 |
someone hacked his account? |
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maestro
Registered: Mar 2004
Posts: 727 |
well good luck bamu and hope you get sorted!!!
maybe you can come back someday with a more grown up approach and then you wont get bombarded by so many people
always remember this!!! an opinion is an opinion no matter wether you agree or not!!! point is to listen and learn!! speak when you need to and stay quiet when you dont!!!
as you grow up and get older youll look back on some things here and youll have a good giggle at yourself!!!
try not to take things so serious and try and enjoy life!!
bye!! |
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Soren
Registered: Dec 2001
Posts: 547 |
@Bamu: a break might be a good idea... I guess this all turned out a bit ugly. ending with lots of us not writing very nice things. But I think you know about the behavior-stuff and how it affects others.
I myself need to be less of an asshole. But if someone pisses me off, I easily get triggered by that.
I don't know your reasons for your way of acting in here, and
I don't need to know. Seems like it to me that all you had to do was to have a different way of approaching people... a less-provocative way might be an idea.
Well, I'm done with all this hatred stuff for now, I simply can not bother anymore. There are much more important things for me to spend my time on.
Be well!
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Burglar
Registered: Dec 2004
Posts: 1089 |
this is the first post I read of you that makes sense. finally. I hope you get your stuff sorted, and when you do... the c64 scene is not so aggressive as you might think now. |
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Yodelking
Registered: Apr 2002
Posts: 189 |
In my eyes you are welcome back anytime, hopefully you feel a lot better when you do.
And like the others say I hope you grow up a bit, but I also hope that all those who complained no matter what you do also grow up.
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Laxity
Registered: Aug 2005
Posts: 459 |
Get well, and no hard feelings dude. Eventhough it's been rough at time, I think you've contributed with some good stuff and good ideas too, so don't feel all bad about it. Cheers! |
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icon
Registered: Apr 2002
Posts: 90 |
Yeah! Hope thing will turn out just fine. But dont stop make music, atleast do some for yourself if you dont wants to "hang out" your work and then you release a big musicdisk on your return.
Good luck and be well...
-Icon/REM |
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Bamu®
Account closed
Registered: May 2005
Posts: 1332 |
Quote: Really BRAVE of you Nata! Reminds me of my own post in Schizophrenia
At least I forgive you m8. Get well soon!
You are not the only one with such a problem!
Yours,
Arman
@Intensity
Thanks for the info. I will read it carefully.
@All
Thanks!!!
----------
I think my problems are really serious. Beside this mental 'thing' there several others (physical probl.) too, which I should have worried about in the last two years.
It's not that a c64-forum would be the right place for any statemets from the real life, but c64-scene/computer/internet 'activities' allowed me to completely ignore & hide the 'things'.
I really don't understand what is going on in my head, but there is something wrong. Useless to mention all the depressions..
Not that they would be in a 'dangerous phase' at the moment, but the temptation is sometimes there to consider about a certain action.
Or maybe I do underestimate the whole situation. Maybe is more serious than I think?!?! I'm helpless.
I do not want to start whining, as I think it is too late for me.
Many things can't be changed anymore. (in real life/scene)
I don't even know why this all happens.
I guess it's just a very slow self-destruction.
I wanted attention, but it ended in a dissaster. (as many times before)
Maybe 'attention' is this the reason why I started babbling & making hoaxes.
I don't expect that people understand me. I can't understand myself.
I can't expect from people to like me, if I don't like me.
I do not want to open my heart too much for the people out there as it could be undestood as whining.
But let me say that is really hard for me to talk about it.
I know that I had my clashes here in these forum with nearly everybody, even with respected scene-celebrities.
I never wanted this but it happened anyway. Unfortunately in the course of the time all went out of control.
I'm everything but not proud of my behaviour/actions.
I tried to be a 'good' composer, but I failed piteously. I wanted to compete with the elite composers, but I simply was unable.
I'm *nothing* towards Jeff, Laxity, Drax, GRG, & friends.
Instead I managed to upset the whole scene against me.
Then all these erratic mood swings, "Gimme, Gimme, Gimme" and the "Hello?" - behaviour.
I don't mean that I magically know it now better, but I'm just at a point where I have to start to do & change something. (At least I try)
I don't know if I'm able to do it, nor I do know how everything will end.
regards,
/st |
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ready.
Registered: Feb 2003
Posts: 441 |
Hi Nata!!
besides your mental and physical problems...I enjoyed your music, as I think I have already told you, honestly, I like your music. Don't make a disaster of everything, even of things that are not.
Cheers
Ready. |
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Scout
Registered: Dec 2002
Posts: 1570 |
At first I was a bit skeptic about your intentions regarding the original post.
Reading the above convinced me you are sincere about this.
All I can say is, get well soon!
Keep in mind that every attack from us was towards your attitude here on the forum and not about your musical skills.
Quote:
I tried to be a 'good' composer, but I failed piteously.
You are a good composer with sid-programming skills and potential, so in my eyes you did not fail.
Again, get well soon and I hope to hear from you again in the near future.
Apologies accepted.
R. |
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Conrad
Registered: Nov 2006
Posts: 847 |
Hello Nata.
It seems that this long-term situation on CSDB has turned out to be horrible result for all of us, which should of never happened in the first place.
Please don't hate yourself for overall being a bad scener, as that isn't true at all. If you want the truth, I find you music very good indeed, in fact they calm me down in some situations. Sorry if this sounds harsh, but posting some unhelpful information can waste some quality time in doing other interesting things, such as composing music or coding a demo for example.
Please do not leave the whole scene as we would like to hear more music from you, but as for this mental problem situation, my best advice would be to give yourself a good rest for a while, until you have fully calmed down and are ready to have some nice discussions again about the c64.
As you confirm about this mental illness(?) you have, I understand how it feels. I myself have a mental disability (which I will not discuss for privacy reasons) and I try my very best to maintain it if anyone takes the piss out of me. Maybe having better control of this will improve a lot of things in the future, for everyone's benefit.
As many other said, hope you get well soon. I'm deeply sorry if I upset you in any threads in the past. In reality I am a very nice friendly person, and when a situation like this happens, I usually regret my horrible response and wished I could of changed it. In general I only try to calm things down, but 9/10 that doesn't work for me.
Be well, be cool.
Bye for now.
Owen.
EDIT:
As for this request of having attention. Attention is my opinion is pointless. Just because you have only been part of the scene for up to 4 years, does not mean that EVERYONE needs to know who you are and what you do. It is in fact much better to have less attention as you can concentrate on your work without being asked too many questions by fans of your work. I've only been part of the scene for 2 months but I am not requesting any attention. I would just like to do my work on new productions and release them when I want to, without the wait for people to recognize and vote my work. I think you understand what I mean anyway. |
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Laxity
Registered: Aug 2005
Posts: 459 |
Quote:I tried to be a 'good' composer, but I failed piteously.
To my best knowledge, that statement evaluates to FALSE, Nata.. Simply not true.. 'Good' is a subjective term, so some might find your music 'not good' (screw them), but judging from the overal response to it (from what I've seen) I'd say, you didn't fail by a long shot.
I sent you a PM, hope I'm not on ignore :) .. |
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Steppe
Registered: Jan 2002
Posts: 1510 |
All forgiven, nothing forgotten, apologies accepted. Wish you all the best, Stephan!
(Edit: Some posts by people in here remind me of the saying "Don't beat a dead horse...") |
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cadaver
Registered: Feb 2002
Posts: 1160 |
It's a good thing if you reached better understanding of your behaviour. I think the point is not how to behave within scene but how to behave around other humans (which sceners are too, I guess :)) Too bad that a lot of good music got shitstained but I guess the smell will evaporate over time.
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Richard
Registered: Dec 2001
Posts: 621 |
Sorry to hear this Nata/Bamu. You're a very good C64 musician. I am surprised with the amount of tunes you done in GoatTracker :) However, a break is always a good thing to fresh up if you feel this way. Once ready, I look forward to seeing more releases from you. |
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ChristopherJam
Registered: Aug 2004
Posts: 1408 |
Best of luck, Nata. FWIW, I'm seeing a psych for mild depression myself. It's useful.
Hope to see you round some time in the future. |
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The Overkiller
Account closed
Registered: Mar 2002
Posts: 342 |
With all this insanity around I'm sure I won't never be unemployed :) |
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TDJ
Registered: Dec 2001
Posts: 1879 |
You're all just figments of my imagination anyway. |
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algorithm
Registered: May 2002
Posts: 705 |
People generally get depressed sometimes. You would be surprised at how much a bit of change can make. Dress up. go out, work out in the gym. really. you will feel much much better |
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chatGPZ
Registered: Dec 2001
Posts: 11360 |
Quote:People generally get depressed sometimes. You would be surprised at how much a bit of change can make. Dress up. go out, work out in the gym. really. you will feel much much better
getting laid and STFU also helps o_O |
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icon
Registered: Apr 2002
Posts: 90 |
Quote: Quote:People generally get depressed sometimes. You would be surprised at how much a bit of change can make. Dress up. go out, work out in the gym. really. you will feel much much better
getting laid and STFU also helps o_O
Gwahaha! That made my day.... |
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Jazzcat
Registered: Feb 2002
Posts: 1044 |
Good riddens to him and any other losers spoiling this database. |
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Richard
Registered: Dec 2001
Posts: 621 |
Sort of off-topic,
I know I done some bad things to CSDB in the past, by creating some silly programs that made me look even more stupid, because of my hyperactivity but I'll just make these things the things of the past. No more silly war/fake releases from me in future. Just normal scene and game stuff. Wish me luck :) |
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Steppe
Registered: Jan 2002
Posts: 1510 |
*keeps fingers crossed* ;-) |
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ready.
Registered: Feb 2003
Posts: 441 |
Any trace of the CSDb profile Nata/Bamu seems to be deleted from this database. His productions remain, but no credit, neither profile.
Anybody heard how he's doing with his problems? |
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cadaver
Registered: Feb 2002
Posts: 1160 |
Why not drop a visit to forum64.de and ask (CBM-Hörnchen) :)
In line with the recent talks about changing the information-owning rules, I do think the scener profiles should be restored, with personal information removed as necessary. |
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ready.
Registered: Feb 2003
Posts: 441 |
mmmh... I know very little german, so kind of difficult for me to understand, but has Nata/Bamu resurrected in some other forum under CBM-Hörnchen handel? |
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cadaver
Registered: Feb 2002
Posts: 1160 |
He has used that handle for at least a year. Recently he resumed posting in the music subforum there again, but no, I don't think he has (yet) registered that handle anywhere else. |
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Conrad
Registered: Nov 2006
Posts: 847 |
I really do hope Nata meant what he said at the beginning of this thread. I have a horrible feeling that he may be messing with us, after hearing on IRC that he was on another c64 forum. That is something we are not sure of, though. |
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Scout
Registered: Dec 2002
Posts: 1570 |
Yes, we know for sure. |
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cadaver
Registered: Feb 2002
Posts: 1160 |
CRD: I don't think the stuff about mental problems should be taken too literally, or clinically. But it's a strong act of self-humiliation anyway, so the intention really doesn't matter (I think). And he never said he'd never post on any C64 forum again? :) |
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ready.
Registered: Feb 2003
Posts: 441 |
Still I think his handles should be restored, he has been part of Commodore 64 scene for sure. |
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cadaver
Registered: Feb 2002
Posts: 1160 |
I'm quite sure he requested their removal himself, but that doesn't change the fact that they should :) |
