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Forums > CSDb Discussions > How Skizofrenia can destroy a man's mind
2011-12-02 20:12
SIDWAVE
Account closed

Registered: Apr 2002
Posts: 2238
How Skizofrenia can destroy a man's mind

To find a way out of the maze that entrapped my mind for 10 years, i decided a while after Arman Behdad's dead, to walk the line.

Instead to flee and fight, i went straight into the psychosis, to investigate it, to find out how it was constructed, to find any weak spots, to fight them, to win.

This process lasted from a while after Arman (who told me all), and well, until the last month or so.

I know that i have said silly things, and i know that i have hurt some friends, and i am very sorry for that!

Now, the spaceship has left earth and is in orbit (analogy, not a real spaceship), it means i will focus to release music that i have created on synth/pc - and SID tunes go into the background for me. It was my wish for a long time, and i am ready to leave behind some things now.

If crazyness will come back, and i once again become heavy victim to skizofrenia, in the form of outbreaks. I seriously doubt it. As i stood inside the fullblown psychosis (dreaming while fully awake), some switches deep inside the brain clicked into a new position, and all the bad things went away. This is what in fact happened to me.

I think about Arman every day..
And what he gave me, so I could solve myself.

http://soundcloud.com/sidwave
 
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2011-12-05 00:48
Yogibear

Registered: Aug 2003
Posts: 227
My girlfriend also has Seroquel. I use Clozapine. For every person with a psychiatric disease you have to look what medication works best or maybe better said which is least bad.
2011-12-05 06:36
SIDWAVE
Account closed

Registered: Apr 2002
Posts: 2238
when i have a computer that can handle hd video, and joey and me have shot some video, and we have made a little computer anim, i can show you how to take apart yourself, take out the bad things, and reconstruct yourself back to a new version with one less problem.

do it enough times, and soon, you get well.
but it can take 10 years :)

my own methods i invented are just the same as i can read in NLP books and whatever i have read, but i like to do my own way. i do it on subconssious purpose level, because i know that i only live here to learn.

basicly and very short story, beating me up, and hunting me, and taking my girlfriends from me by "haha you lamer you drive a puch maxi and we drive a yamaha 4 gear bully gang", and physical abuse and bully, because i am smart and buy a moped that you dont have to do anything, it always works, then shit happens.

that was the very short version.

in 1983 is was uber macho and i am tought, and beat you all up, haha, when driving a yamaha 4 gear, but hey rememebr something ? the damn shit gearbox always broke, and life of a bully jerk was constant repairing this problem gearbox, or else "oh no! my fame is fading!".

haha

it always liek that.

those jerks beat up the smart guy, because they are jealous he has all the girls as friends.

getting knocked out, by being blocjked the way, stooped, he goes, and cant remember what he say, but he take his crash helmet and just hammer you to the ground and you wake up 20 minutes later.

that creates something goob, and bad.

all those idiots are either long in jail or endless alcoholics and hash smoking nobrain wrecks, who did those things to me.

so meeting TSN who founded TST with Kaze, and let me join a "gang", but an "art" gang is the best thing ever happen to me. because tsn is 49 now, and in 1985 he was i dont care, anyway, he was an old rocker who found a life away from the sure way to jail himself, by getting creative on the c64.

if it wasnt for my "personal terminator" who protected me from 1986 and in the last 4 years of party, dance, girls, fun to be, and show them i am now protected. all would have been different.

these kinda persons are the ones in the classroom who always come late, nerv maek theior homework, dont leran to read properly, and drop out later of everything, becasue they only prject out, what they are teached at home, with mom and dad. if crap is at home, there is your source for "stupid peter" who can never learn to read. so he go more and more "argh!!!" and just explode and ....

i guess you can figure out the rest. :)

some bullies just need help and CAN because they want, and others cannot because from fucked childhood they have at home. you cannot fix what was constructed wrong.

but you can fix what was ok, smashed to bits, and repaired, because it was not broken from the start, not at all. it was perfect as it wanted to be.

:)

Thansk for your post ROUGH!
2011-12-05 06:45
SIDWAVE
Account closed

Registered: Apr 2002
Posts: 2238
i can tell you what happened in their drunken 130 km race at night with no lights, in 1984: they drove into Sten, on his 18 year birthday, on his way home from celebrating on his puch maxi, and he died there. his lungs collapsed and they just stood and looked at him and did nothing, they know not what to to.

karma all later took them back to face the punishment for their doings, in its own wicked way.

its so sad, why it has to be this way.
i think human race must be a level 1 intelligence, who think way to much of himself, because when i see world history an dcurrent date and all the war, greed, and bullshit, i just say "no... sadly, we never can learn, or progress, we just are this way"

it seems we never learn from mistakes, but keep doign the same bull over and over. "more more more", of everything.

so say it simple as i can.

i just have to laugh at everything and run my own show, to survive. :)
2011-12-05 07:56
SIDWAVE
Account closed

Registered: Apr 2002
Posts: 2238
we change all the time, every day.
its just to focus and stay in the core, then we are ourself.
2011-12-05 11:15
algorithm

Registered: May 2002
Posts: 707
Fighting it is not the right approach. It is the samething as arm wrestling with your own hand. The left hand or the right hand will not win when fighting each other.

Think of it as negative thoughts paining a wall that is stronger (and this requiring a stronger form of dynamite) to break

What i am trying to mention here is that the more it is challenged, the more harder it is to break it.

However to break it, there is one thing that will only work. That is to 'try' to ignore it. This will then weaken and destroy the 'negative' wall that is built.

It is very important to realise that it is all in the mind.

I too have spoke with arman and have attempted to give him advice on many occasions. He had a good heart.

I dont have schizophrenia but i have been diagnosed with OCD (Obsessive compulsive disorder) (Have had this since the age of 19). I have learnt to not fight it but to ignore it and it works. Ofcourse sometimes it can get distressful but i try and ignore it and it eventually goes (And all this without medication)

Initially fighting it did work, and this is what caused it to get worse as the OCD would come back stronger than ever and would require much more fighting to kill it.

The obsessions are mainly in relation to mental rituals which i am tempted to undergo all the time rather than the physical based rituals that many people with OCD go through.

Two things to always remember is this

* No matter what negativity you think, this is all in the mind (there are no external forces) and will not happen (If it does, it would have happened regardles of you thinking or not thinking of the negativity anyway)

* do NOT fight it. You will only make it stronger. If you do decide to fight it, dont regret and feel that it will take longer to kill it. Just try to ignore it and it will die





2011-12-05 23:44
Yogibear

Registered: Aug 2003
Posts: 227
@Jan, I really think you need (other) medication. I need that myself also to not feel confused or get a psychosis.
2011-12-06 07:10
celticdesign

Registered: Oct 2005
Posts: 151
guys, i really think this is not a topic for csdb.
beside of this, do not try to therapy by your own! you might "think" you can handle it, but you can fail hard someday.
there are diseases you can't handle without therapy or without the right medication/drugs. at least you can have 1000 wrong medications and/or therapists. you've to find the right (your) way.

take care and keep the spirit alive.
2011-12-06 07:44
Moloch

Registered: Jan 2002
Posts: 2946
Quoting celticdesign
guys, i really think this is not a topic for csdb.

You're correct ... and reading the message he wrote proves he is still facing some major mental issues.

PS: Is this the second or third time we've seen this sort of thread on CSDb from the same person? Seriously, get some real help for your issues.
2011-12-06 08:07
Conrad

Registered: Nov 2006
Posts: 850
Schizophrenia , an 8 year old thread... so it's nothing new.
2011-12-06 14:00
chatGPZ

Registered: Dec 2001
Posts: 11442
celticdesign and moloch hit the nail on its head. thus: closed
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