| Text: | Hello and welcome to Merry Christmas 3! All programming, graphics and sound by Waz of Zaw Productions. The pic at the bottom of your screen was 'drawn' on Koalapad - I am not an artist! Anyway, pressing 1 to 6 will bring forth the christmassy type soundtracks that all your little members of the family (and the mum) will sing really loudly on Christmas Day while stuffing their faces with chocs and indulging in 'pudding retention', just to really add to the soap on a rope and Hai Karate aftershave you always seem to get every year. I mean you think folks would get the message as they're slipped in the bin with Christmas wrapping paper, and then when they come to see you on Boxing Day you mysteriously can't find them... A monumental 'Merry Chrimble' to Jason (Legion on CD at last!) 'Kenz' MacKenzie of Binary Zone, Andy 'Multihack V2' Roberts, John and Steve Rowlands (John, it's a shame I can't write music on PC as I would have done a soundtrack for your PC CD-ROM game!), Andy 'I am not a number, I am a free man!' Startin, Rory 'Demon axe drummer' Stamp, Rob 'PWEI rule!' Rawson-Tetley, Danny 'Suicidal for life' Gilgrass, Adam 'Load me!' Langdon, Jon 'Programmer of 300 games at once!' Wells, Paul 'Feekzoid' Hannay (loved Thalamusic 94 remix, any more MIDI versions of '64 tunes yet?), Richard 'Frostie The Snowman!' Frost... Now Merry Chrimble to my non-64 owning chums, Gary 'Weird scenes inside the Cyprus' Thompson, Claire 'Not that flu bug!' Thompson, Leila 'why are there so many stuck-up people at Cambridge?' Abbas, Mike Powercuts (is Barkay filling when you play 'Longview' by Green Day yet?), all the Friday night Barkay people (Wayne, Ben, Craig and the rest!), Michelle 'Damn that car' Hayhurst, all the folks I used to work with at Securicor Cellular (closed in Manchester now!), Dave 'Poppies say GRRRR' Sheel, Lee 'Let's f-ing have it!' Brennan, Matt 'No more! No more! No more Mr nice guy!' Wilkinson.... Final Chrimble greetings go to all fans of Pop Will Eat Itself (PWEI), Pixies, Frank Black, Obituary, Cabaret Voltaire, Nitzer Ebb, Wedding Present, Roy Harper, Nick Harper (great debut CD 'Light At The End Of The Kennel' there!), Throwing Muses (and of course Kristin Hersh!), Breeders, Autechre, Green Day, Dead Milkmen, 10000 Maniacs, REM, Cure, Jesus And Mary Chain, New Order (but why release a best of - London records can f- right off!), Fatima Mansions, 808 State, Wonderstuff (Miles Hunt on MTV, why?), Juliana Hatfield, Ned's Atomic Dustbin, Wire, Smiths, Morrissey, Lisa Germano, Frank and Walters, Renegade Soundwave (please do a live show in Manchester guys!), Veruca Salt, Blessed Ethel, Done Lying Down and all other good bands (which does not include Nirvana - Kurt Cobain ripped off Pixies and brought the death on himself - no sympathy!). Phew! Now for some wit. On many a train journey to Birmingham when my ex- Michelle was at university or if I followed City away, I'd go through Crewe station, and it's full of trainspotters! There's the sad one with the log book, the sadder one with a camera and the saddest of all with (get this!) a camcorder, filming the trains! They can't be married, unless there are female trainspotters out there (just as scary!). Notice as well that all the major shops put their Christmas displays up in October and their banal 'versions' of festive tunes bombarding your ears? Anyone would think Christmas was on October 25th! Burger King has now opened at the new shopping centre down the road from my house, a mere 500 yards! Bacon double cheeseburgers for me please! Anyway, Christmas I think is typified by that annual Slade release. Twenty years on, who buys this tosh and keeps them in business? I mean every DJ in the country has it by now, and you just think 'Oh no' when it comes on. Similar groans come to 'I Wish It Could Be Christmas Everyday' by Wizzard. Also why is the turkey you get only going to be eaten by people who can't help STUFFING THEIR GREAT BIG FACE! cos it's there, and it's far too big no matter what size you get it! Also, if your family gets a big tub of Roses, Cadbury's seem to have a knack of not putting in 'the purple ones' of Hazels In Caramel which is my fave. And who does eat the mince pies, ghastly unless you soak it in a ton of cream to disguise the taste! Don't crackers have crap hats and jokes in them as well - here's one. Doctor doctor I feel like a pair of curtains. Pull yourself together... Oh a ha ha ha, that's really funny that is, oh I'm rolling about in a fit now, oh stop it! (as the infamous 'Ray' would say). Hai Karate aftershave lives off Christmas cos it's so cheap and nasty, talk about babe repellent in a tin! And of course, your grandparents buy it cos they think it's trendy. Well, it ISN'T! Viz top tip: Ask for money from everyone for Christmas and buy most of your presents in the January sale at half the price!! Is that the time? I must be off, have a great Christmas and a froopy 1995! Best wishes from all at Zaw Productions, and a final message from Beavis and Butthead... 'I'm a zombie, I'm a dead guy, I like to eat people's brains, I'm a dead guy in the corner, I like to look at my eyeballs..Mh! Huh Huh! Mh! Huh Huh! Whoooaaaah! That was cool! Huh Huh! Mh! Mh! Hey! It's wraptime! Wraps are cool! Mh! Huh Huh.. |
