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Intensity
Account closed
Registered: May 2002
Posts: 337 |
Schizophrenia
Hi People!
Herewith I want to say sorry for my strange post about a hunger-strike some time ago, also for my weird behaviour towards the dutch group Xenon where I was in as musician.
Sander/Focus, Gerard Hultink: Please excuse my messages in which I declared Xenon as a dangerous group and that you should be aware of it's members.
The reason for this behaviour is that I fell ill. They call my illness "Schizophrenia", also "Psychosis", a disease which initiated a lot of paranoid thoughts in me. I also started to hear voices from my circle of acquaintances and to see hallicunations, like faces at the wall etc. Those voices and hallucinations ordered me to stay up the nights for about 4 months and to care about scene matters, among other things.
I have passed some months in hospital and I take several medicaments for about one year now. Things are going well, also have a job now.
I don't want you to have a pity on me, but I want the sceners especially those I bothered to excuse me.
Read more about my schizophrenia in Vandalism News #40 which was released recently.
http://c64.rulez.org/onslaught/vandalism40.zip
Yours,
Arman Behdad
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T.M.R
Account closed
Registered: Dec 2001
Posts: 749 |
Must... resist... the urge... to post!! [runs away giggling =-] |
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Intensity
Account closed
Registered: May 2002
Posts: 337 |
Quote: Always Ready is my second name.
...creamed ;-))
(But, don't tell it to my fiancee!! ;-)
ROFL :D !!
This will be an evergreen for a magazine/webzine chapter with the name "Best Forum Posts Ever" ;).
Shake: GAYMO, LOL!! Actually there was one little Fakemo with converted gay porn pics at c64.sk to download.
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Intensity
Account closed
Registered: May 2002
Posts: 337 |
I couldn't trust my eyes when I have seen this...
http://creamd.swellserver.com/news/top_stories/outwithbang.php
Creamd! Change your handle and add an "e"!
ROFL |
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Optimus
Registered: Jan 2002
Posts: 122 |
I use to talk a lot with myself. I even do it while walking alone in the road (It's more feelingful here in Germany, since no soul is out after 8:00). I like this and don't regret it. Many of my actions are quite unpredictable. I could normally look like a psychotic but that wouldn't be the truth I think..
I have never heard voices (only some strange noices yesterday while I was playing bakti.net with my headphones at full), while faces appearing to me are just constant games of my brain (Afteralls, my new room here in Karlsruhe is painted with very random strokes that could be easilly misinterpreted) which then automatically are interpreted in explainable facts. I do like when this happens for a while, giving me little scares and then letting me explain how some lights or colors made me think so.
I always loved to read weird things, paranormal stories and insane writers (Like Strange Egnarts stuff, however most of my friends say it's bullshit but I don't really care, since I never told them I want to read something serious :P) but I never really had any paranormal experiences in my life, even if I'd like sometimes to (other times, I am just afraid a little). Perhaps it's just my serious interpretation filters of reality. Anyways..
Optimus
P.S. And my famous threads on Pouet must be a lot more insane that anything Arman might have written in here anyways :)
P.P.S. His article on VN40 was very interesting to me though. My favoritest read from the issue. At the beginning, it was so crazy that I thought it was a joke but then I was hooked..
P.P.P.S. I do feel anxious and depressed while sitting a lot of times in front of my computer though. Perhaps I should just avoid taking my (inexistant) scene activities so seriously.. |
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Intensity
Account closed
Registered: May 2002
Posts: 337 |
Maybe you'll find two post about the same topic from me. After I have written and submitted one post I couldn't see my post in the topic! Maybe it takes some time until a post gets public because of problems with CSDB.
Sorry again...
To the Sysop : If you see my both posts about the same topic, please remove one! Thanks
Arman |
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Intensity
Account closed
Registered: May 2002
Posts: 337 |
They say it is healthy to talk with yourself. Furthermore it isn't bad to see reflections of something at the wall like weird faces etc. as long as they are looking harmless and you know how they came about.
In my case they neither were harmless looking nor did I knew how they came about! :) They were full of grim and evil which was quite eerie. Looking this way they always warned me that something will happen when I don't follow the commands of my voices and other hallucinations. They looked like grimmy army officers! ;)
Having a little paranoia or seeing/hearing hallucinations now and then (I emphasize now and then, i.e. about one to three times in a lifetime!) is normal. Getting a bit nervous or paranoid of reading weird books is also normal I think, it's sometimes like a little natural kick you get.
Well, I watched the movie "23" and started to run around in my city (Wiesbaden) and our neighbour city (Frankfurt a.m.) being convinced to find anything paranormal or someone interesting to talk about the number "23" and all the world and his wife. I don't say that I wasn't successful, but about 85% of those outdoor-actions were complete paranoia. It's quite strange to me that I have got similar "commands" in terms of voices and optic hallicunations like the medias create "subliminal messages" for the population.
Maybe you want check
http://people.uleth.ca/~vokey/pdf/Submess.pdf
for informations about Subliminal Messages
or
http://www.heise.de/tp/deutsch/html/result.xhtml?url=/tp/deutsc..
about the same topic in german.
There you'll also find informatinos about the TV displaying subliminal messages in a fraction of a second and also a weird technique how to fold a 20 dollar note till you can see a burning WTC and a burning Pentagon on the back.
I have discovered those subliminal messages in the german TV for several times for years. Since those messages were very similar to the "commands" i have got and still get, it was no wonder that I have found the messages in the TV. I was "trained" somehow in the time of my psychosis. In a fraction of a second I see words and sentences on a blank wall or when I close my eyes, like "go OUT" or "Read this and that" aso. Anyone who love the movie "23" or stories about the illuminati, will love those links! ;P
Arman
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Intensity
Account closed
Registered: May 2002
Posts: 337 |
ah, now it worked! Fine! Something with the links...
Arman |
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Optimus
Registered: Jan 2002
Posts: 122 |
>>They say it is healthy to talk with yourself
This makes me smile :) My close environment always blamed me that it's not good!
I was going to write you an email yesterday but perhaps I could discuss some things here..
You said in the article: "If you feel anxious and depressed while sitting a lot of hours in front of the computer" and I was wondering what is really the connection of that with schizophrenia. I can think of 3 things: 1) people who work so hard and anxiously are more likely to develop Schizophrenia, 2) It's a sign of Schizophrenia, 3) If someone is already schizophrenic because of his genes, hard work and anxiety can just trigger up his illness.
Also, I think schizophrenia is a genetical illness, isn't it? It's about the genes, some have it some will never have it. Or could it be developed on some people too? Or could it be hidden and show up later I guess?
I had seen the movie "A beautifull mind" about a schizophrenic mathematician (a real person and story) who was really anxious and hard working developing his own math theories. He got an imaginery friend telling him to get a grip, among with a lot of other imaginations anyways :)
But about that "hard, anxious working, depression with computers" is interesting for me to learn what it's connection with schizophrenia could be. It's my main question.. |
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White Flame
Registered: Sep 2002
Posts: 136 |
re: seeing faces in things and such, I think it's a sign of a healthy imagination and a creative mind, when it just startles your for an instant, then you realize what it really is. I was into a lot of art stuff when I was in high school, and when I'd look at my room at night whilst half-asleep and see the shadows from a tree cast over the folds in the blanket make a freaky image or something, it was interesting to see why that combination of light and shadow evoked a semi-recognizable image, then try to learn the same sort of outlining or shading tricks as a skill in creating pictures in art class. For somebody whose brain is more narrow-scoped and doesn't see multiple impossible combinations in an image, they'd never get the benefit of learning different ways that things can be expressed visually. |
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drake
Account closed
Registered: Dec 2002
Posts: 207 |
i lived with a guy who has pdd/nos and another guy who isn't schizo but has a heavy kind of adhd. another guy also has voices in his head, kinda freaky. i only knew it from the usage of drugs like speed and paddo's. i think its hard to imagine whats happening to the person(s) who has this. also hard to understand intensity if you don't know him well. |
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